Cake: Who knew it could make me so angry?

See, sex is like cake, right? And everyone likes cake! So therefore rape can’t actually be a bad thing!

“Rape is simply sex. Women enjoy sex, so rape cannot be such a terrible ordeal.
“To suggest that rape, when conducted without violence, is a serious crime is like suggesting that force-feeding a woman chocolate cake is a heinous offence.
“A woman would be more inconvenienced by having her handbag snatched.”

Thank you, BNP. No, I’m not SURPRISED at things like that coming out of the BNP. But that doesn’t make it any less atrocious, or any less the kind of thing that I see all too often in this culture, particularly in the way rape trials are conducted. Well, she shouldn’t have been wearing that short skirt. But, come ON! Look at how many previous partners she’s had–you know she wanted it. OH PLEASE. Like it is so amazingly astonishing to men that there are times when a woman doesn’t want to have a penis put in her. Don’t get me wrong–sex is great. But there’s a lot to it. Women are quite literally letting someone else inside of them. (I once had a conversation about this with a guy. He got very uncomfortable, and I felt bad, but it was actually a really fantastic conversation.) But how can we NOT want to just give all-access passes to our bodies? I mean, it’s just cake, right?

Yet, at the same time, the virgin/whore dichotomy rages on. If you’re not a virgin, what does it matter if you’re raped? If you are, it really only matters if you were saving it for marriage. If you were just some shy or homely girl, it doesn’t matter. Also, husbands can’t rape wives, boyfriends can’t rape girlfriends, women of color almost never get raped, and queers are downright unrapeable.

Some days I want to scream and pull my hair out. We can’t all be virgins or whores; rape DOES happen and it IS awful. Patriarchy, sexism, wage gaps, glass ceilings, lookism, ageism, etc, IT IS ALL STILL HAPPENING. I would appreciate it, world, if you would stop trying to convince me otherwise, because I’m not buying it.

I think one of the things that particularly bothers me with that is the way the dude also assumes that a woman would ENJOY being force fed chocolate cake. Because hey, you know us silly girls, we can’t get enough of that cake. Why, without our husbands around to pinch our tummies and make jokes about our burgeoning asses and thighs, we’d all be morbidly obese and STILL just munching on bonbons 24/7!

((Originally written 4/9/2008 in my LiveJournal and reposted here.))


06/06/2008. Tags: , . Uncategorized.

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